Dude: Letting people down is my thing, baby - find yourself a new gig, this town ain't big enough for two of us
I don't have the right name, or the right looks, but I have twice the heart
Dudette: If I spilled my guts, the world would never look at you the same way
And now I'm here to give you all my love... so I can watch your face as I take it all away
Both: I know I'm bad news, I saved it all for you. I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way -- still, I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday.
I have no idea what's going on in this video, but I've always loved this song. When I heard it I immediately associated it with my "super-couple," the one I've been writing about since middle school. For a while I was going to have their first book be my first book - I had worked exhaustively on the outline, written sizable chunks of the story, was living and breathing the characters - and then earlier this year, I decided I couldn't write their story now.
You see, my "super-couple" have always started off as best friends.* The exact details of their unconscious coupling has changed over the years. In the first version (the middle school one), the guy had always had feelings for the girl, and she is eventually convinced after some dangerous encounter to give the relationship a shot. In the second version (written while I was in college), there was mutual unspoken tension that was never acted on because the girl was afraid of intimacy and the guy was afraid of commitment, and when it finally is acted on, it's when the guy has a girlfriend an ocean away. In the third version (drafted last year), they start a FWB relationship that emotionally destroys the girl and initiates a cycle of jealousy/revenge/sabotage. Their relationship has gotten progressively darker each time - I almost wondered if I overdid it with this last version, because the guy is such a selfish asshole and the girl is so pathetic. Her friends stage interventions repeatedly and they never work. Anyway, the thought of writing about these two right now is just like "NOPE NOPE," - I am just not in the right emotional state. I know some writers are all about "spin that angst into writing gold!" but I need writing to function at least a little bit as an emotional escape for me.
So I'm writing the story about Americans studying abroad in Indonesia instead. It's going well so far.
Other songs I've associated with my super-couple over the years (they have a lot of problems):
- "Limp" - Fiona Apple: "You feed the beast I have within me/ You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun."
- "Suspension Without Suspense" - No Doubt: "Now that I've/ forced you off, do you hate me? Do you want revenge?"
- "Nothing Better" - Postal Service: "Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future."
- "Push It" - Garbage: "I was angry when I met you. I think I'm angry still. We can try to talk it over."
- "Paradise Circus" - Massive Attack: "It's unfortunate that when we feel a storm we can roll ourselves over cuz we're uncomfortable."
- "Slide" - Goo Goo Dolls: "I wanna wake up where you are, I won't say anything at all."
- "Closer" - Nine Inch Nails: "I wanna fuck you like an animal."
- "Ways & Means" - Snow Patrol: "Maybe I can do it, if I put my back into it. I can leave you if I wanted, but there's nowhere else that I can go. Maybe I won't suffer, if I find a way to love her - I'd be lying to myself, but there's no way out that I can see."
- "Drowned World / Substitute for Love" - Madonna: "Traveled round the world, looking for a home, I found myself in crowded rooms, feeling so alone/ Should I wait for you, my substitute for love?"
- "Sometimes It Hurts" - Stabbing Westward: "God, I hate myself when I try to get over you."
- "Filth Noir" - Zeromancer: "Sometimes you just have to risk it all to get what you want."
- "Leif Erikson" - Interpol: "You come here to me, we'll collect those lonely parts and set them down."
- "Teardrop" - Massive Attack: "Love is a verb, love is a doing word."